So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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