We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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