uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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