there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
