Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
