nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We just shotgunned beers for America
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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