I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
