I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
