That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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