The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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