I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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