my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Mom said you looked used
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
