I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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