just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
