Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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