im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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