we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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