So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
