I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize