i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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