Me too!
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
