Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
