i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize