Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
