I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize