He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
