I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
