is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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