Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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