just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Congratulations! We have a period
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
