i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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