i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
