I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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