Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
