I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
