i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
