she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
