where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
