I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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