Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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