he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
