So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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