Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
