She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
