note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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