speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
