When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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