I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
