TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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