my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
