just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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