Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
