I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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