ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
