just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
