I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
