That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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